Archive for June, 2012

Hi everyone, thanks for stopping on by.  We’ve got a new Saturday thing to get us through the summer, until Sexy Saturday can return.  All you lurkers out there need to de-cloak and join in, because this will only work if people participate. We’ll see how it goes on this trial run.  So get your funny on and get ready for our…..

KAPTION KONTEST

 

What I am going to do is post a hockey photo, and you all supply the caption. Easy-peasy.  You just reply in the comments section.  You have until Friday at 4pm CST.  The one that makes me laugh the most will get their caption printed on the photo, which I will re-post the next Saturday, and their name will be up in lights.  Or at least up on the blog. Unless you want to remain nameless.  In which case you can email me here, and I will use your caption but keep your name out of it.  But really, you could be WORLD FAMOUS, so why wouldn’t you want your name on the blog?

Just please keep it clean.  You can be risqué, but don’t be crude. I will zap you.  And please have fun. Don’t be afraid to just float something out there.

You may be wondering about the spelling of the contest.  If you are familiar with LOLCat, you will understand. If not, this website will help:

ICanHasCheezburger

It is basically a phonetic spelling, with the word order reversed, as it is in many languages other than English. Here are some examples from hockey pictures to inspire you:

 

But it doesn’t have to be in LOLSpeak (though those CRACK ME UP). They can just be funny captions:

 

There you have it, your inspiration.  I’m still laughing over these.  People are brilliant.  But no one is more brilliant than our readers. So go ahead and impress me. Here is your muse, courtesy of Carey Price and James Neal:

 

 

National De-Lurking Week (yes, there is such a thing) is usually in January, but I’m instituting one now.

Look, I get it. I’ve lurked at some blogs for years. It’s fun to just pop in, check it out, then pop back out.  Sometimes it’s a hassle to register just to comment, and I can’t be bothered. Other times I don’t feel like I am clever enough to add anything to the page. That’s the great thing about blogs and discussion boards and the like, you can be a fly on the wall if you want to.

But I have a feeling Nikki and I get some rather lovely people stopping by our page, and from the looks of our stats, you are from all the far corners of the world. I’ve heard from some of you on Twitter, which is awesome. I’d like to hear more on the blog.  So I’m going to do something fun that I think will draw you out and get you to comment.  The kitty above is a clue.  Brush up on your LOLspeak, and come back to the 5Hole on Saturday night.  We’ll give it a trial run……

“Oh Fuck!”

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

Here is more awesomeness:

photo credit: Getty Images

photo credit: Julie Jacobson/AP

 

FINALLY!!  He wins. I do think they were afraid I would unleash the f-ing fury if he didn’t win. Instead, Hankie unleashed it for me — lol!! How cute was he? There was definitely a blush under that gorgeous tan.  He’s been hanging out with Torts for too long ;D

PS. Anyone know why Cally didn’t show up? Or was he there and I didn’t see him?

 

Anyway, If you want to see actual vote tallies, click here: Vote totals

Hank also made the 2011-2012 NHL First All-Star Team:

G Henrik Lundqvist, Rangers
D Erik Karlsson, Ottawa Senators
D Shea Weber, Nashville Predators
C Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins
RW  James Neal, Pittsburgh Penguins
LW  Ilya Kovalchuk, New Jersey Devils

 

And here is the Second All-Star Team:

2011-2012 NHL SECOND ALL-STAR TEAM
G Jonathan Quick, Los Angeles Kings
D Zdeno Chara, Boston Bruins
D Alex Pietrangelo, St. Louis Blues
C  Steven Stamkos, Tampa Bay Lightning
RW Marian Gaborik, Rangers
LW  Ray Whitney, Phoenix Coyotes

 

Congratulations to all the winners tonight, and all the nominees.  Malkin took Hankie’s other two awards home with him, selfish bastard, but he was so cute tonight, Nikki made me forgive him.  As long as it’s not Crosby, I’m good.  What did you guys think? Any awards you were super-excited about, or angry with?  I know my Florida peeps are really happy about Campbell.  As he was a former Shark, I am happy for him, but as I spent most of the time screaming at him for screwing up when he was a Shark, that happiness is tempered a bit. But he seems to have found his niche in FL.

Tracy Morgan was hysterical, doing is Avery on 24/7.  We (Nikki, Maki and I) thought the Arnett skit as Shana-ban was funny at first, but went on waaay too long.  Just like Nickleback, as Nikki would say.  But I loved me some rock and pyro.  I’ve heard on Twitter the suggestion that Peggy should host the awards next year — yes, please! Or Torts. Then it would only be a half hour, and right to the point, not two hours of BS.  Hey NHL, next year less formal, no jokes, more alcohol=better show.  Free tip from me to you.

But who cares, really.  HANK WON THE VEZINA!!!! 

Fuck!!

That is all that matters.  So well-deserved.  I am happy.  Night all.

 

Hi Everyone!

Sorry, it’s been a while. I have more time because I’m not watching games, and yet seem to have less time to update the blog.  Go figure.  But I promise to be better about that, and will have some fun summer stuff up soon.

But first, there’s one more 2012 NHL season loose-end to tie up: the NHL Awards.  Look out Vegas, the Frozen Hotties are comin’ to town.

 

I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS??

I don’t care that it sounds like the name of a bar of soap. I just want to be there.

But instead, I’ll be at home, watching with Nikki, and Maki, stuffing my face with junk food, and laughing at people on the “red carpet.”  I love it when hockey goes all Hollywood.  Entertainers and athletes are the only people I can think of that like to give each other awards for doing their jobs.  Can you imagine if the police did it?  Firemen? Garbage collectors?  College professors?  Scientists?  Doctors? “For the best spleen removal of the year, as voted by the patients of St. Mary’s and the surgical nurses’ union, the winner is Dr. Blair!”  or  “Oh, look, it’s Professor of Physics at Columbia, Dr. Hamilton, arriving on the red carpet with his supermodel wife.  Dr. Hamilton is nominated for Best Explanation of Quantum String Theory….”

I crack myself up.  As do you, NHL, as do you.  And I love you for it.

 

Anyway, I thought I’d do a quick primer of the awards, who is up for what, and what the awards look like. After all, this is the 5 Hole, and we are all about what pretty things look like.  On with the show!

 

 

Hart Memorial Trophy

The Hart Memorial Trophy is an annual award given to the player judged to be the most valuable to his team. The winner is selected in a poll of the Professional Hockey Writers’ Association in all NHL cities at the end of the regular season.

The Hart Memorial Trophy was presented by the National Hockey League in 1960 after the original Hart Trophy was retired to the Hockey Hall of Fame. The original Hart Trophy was donated to the NHL in 1923 by Dr. David A. Hart, father of Cecil Hart, former manager-coach of the Montreal Canadiens.

NOMINEES: Henrik Lundqvist(!!!!), Evgeni Malkin, Steven Stamkos

 

 

Ted Lindsay Award (formerly Lester B. Pearson Award)


The Ted Lindsay Award is presented annually to the “most outstanding player” in the NHL as voted by fellow members of the National Hockey League Players’ Association.

It honors Hall of Famer Ted Lindsay, an All-Star forward known for his skill, tenacity, leadership, and for his role in establishing the original Players’ Association.

NOMINEES: Henrik Lundqvist(!!!!), Evgeni Malkin, Steven Stamkos  (second verse, same as the first)

 

 

Vezina Trophy

The Vezina Trophy is an annual award given to the goalkeeper adjudged to be the best at this position as voted by the general managers of all NHL clubs.

Leo Dandurand, Louis Letourneau, and Joe Cattarinich, former owners of the Montreal Canadiens, presented the trophy to the National Hockey League in 1926-27 in memory of Georges Vezina, outstanding goalkeeper of the Canadiens, who collapsed during an NHL game Nov. 28, 1925, and died of tuberculosis a few months later.

NOMINEES: Henrik Lundqvist(!!!!), Pekka Rinne, Jonathan Quick

 

 

James Norris Memorial Trophy

The James Norris Memorial Trophy is an annual award given to the defense player who demonstrates throughout the season the greatest all-round ability in the position. The winner is selected in a poll of the Professional Hockey Writers’ Association at the end of the regular season.

The James Norris Memorial Trophy was presented in 1953 by the four children of the late James Norris in memory of the former owner-president of the Detroit Red Wings.

 
NOMINEES: Zdeno Chara, Erik Karlsson, Shea Weber (Hey, finally an award Lundqvist isn’t up for)

 

 

Calder Memorial Trophy

The Calder Memorial Trophy is an annual award given to the player selected as the most proficient in his first year of competition in the National Hockey League. The winner is selected in a poll of the Professional Hockey Writers’ Association at the end of the regular season.

From 1936-37 until his death in 1943, Frank Calder, NHL President, bought a trophy each year to be given permanently to the outstanding rookie. After Calder’s death, the NHL presented the Calder Memorial Trophy in his memory and the trophy is to be kept in perpetuity.

NOMINEES: Adam Henrique, Gabriel Landeskog, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins

 

 

Lady Byng Memorial Trophy

The Lady Byng Memorial Trophy is an annual award given to the player adjudged to have exhibited the best type of sportsmanship and gentlemanly conduct combined with a high standard of playing ability.  The winner is selected in a poll of the Professional Hockey Writers’ Association at the end of the regular season.

Lady Byng, wife of Canada’s Governor-General at the time, presented the Lady Byng trophy in 1925.  After Frank Boucher of the New York Rangers won the award seven times in eight seasons, he was given the trophy to keep and Lady Byng donated another trophy in 1936. After Lady Byng’s death in 1949, the National Hockey League presented a new trophy, changing the name to Lady Byng Memorial Trophy.

NOMINEES: Brian Campbell, Jordan Eberle, Matt Moulson  (note: No goaltender has ever won the award; Bill Quackenbush and Red Kelly are the only defensemen to do so, and no defenseman has won in over fifty years.)

 

 

Frank J. Selke Trophy

The Frank J. Selke Trophy is an annual award given to the forward who best excels in the defensive aspects of the game.  The winner is selected in a poll of the Professional Hockey Writers’ Association at the end of the regular season.

The trophy was first awarded at the end of the 1977–78 NHL season. It was named after Frank J. Selke, former general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs and Montreal Canadiens.

NOMINEES: David Backes, Patrice Bergeron, Pavel Datsyuk

 

 

Masterton Memorial Trophy

The Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy is an annual award under the trusteeship of the Professional Hockey Writers’ Association and is given to the National Hockey League player who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to hockey.  The winner is selected in a poll of all chapters of the PHWA at the end of the regular season.

A grant from the PHWA is awarded annually to the Bill Masterton Scholarship Fund in the name of the Masterton Trophy winner.

The trophy was presented by the NHL Writers’ Association in 1968 to commemorate the late William Masterton, a player for the Minnesota North Stars, who exhibited, to a high degree, the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey. Masterton died on Jan. 15, 1968, after an injury sustained during a hockey game.

NOMINEES: Daniel Alfredsson, Joffrey Lupul, Max Pacioretty

 

 

Messier Leadership Award

The Mark Messier NHL Leadership Award presented by Bridgestone has been awarded since 2006-07 and is awarded “to the player who exemplifies great leadership qualities to his team, on and off the ice during the regular season.”

Suggestions for nominees are solicited from fans, clubs and NHL personnel, but the selection of the three finalists and the ultimate winner is made by Mark Messier himself.

NOMINEES: Ryan Callahan, Dustin Brown, Shane Doan

 

 

NHL Foundation Award

The NHL Foundation Player Award is awarded annually to the National Hockey League (NHL) player “who applies the core values of (ice) hockey—commitment, perseverance and teamwork—to enrich the lives of people in his community.” The award is closely related to the King Clancy Memorial Trophy, as both are awarded to a player who has made a significant humanitarian contribution to his community.

NOMINEES: Mike Fisher, John-Michael Liles, Matt Moulson

 

 

Jack Adams Award

The Jack Adams Award is an annual award presented by the National Hockey League Broadcasters’ Association to the NHL coach judged to have contributed the most to his team’s success.  The winner is selected in a poll among members of the NHL Broadcasters’ Association at the end of the regular season.

The award was presented by the NHL Broadcasters’ Association in 1974 to commemorate the late Jack Adams, former coach and general manager of the Detroit Red Wings. His lifetime dedication to hockey has served as an inspiration to all who aspire to further the game.

NOMINEES: John Tortorella (NYR), Paul Maclean (OTT), Ken Hitchcock (STL)

 

General Manager of the Year

An annual award presented to recognize the work of the league’s general managers, voting for this new award is conducted among the 30 club general managers and a panel of NHL executives, print and broadcast media at the conclusion of the regular season.

aka: No One Cares Except the Other GMs Award. (okay, I may have made that up. But it seems true.)

NOMINEES: Doug Armstrong (STL), David Poile (NSH), Dale Tallon (FLA)

 

There you have it, folks.  Hopefully that will make watching the awards more fun. Or at least more understandable.  If not, just make fun of what people are wearing, like I do.

Nikki wanted to do predictions, but I don’t want to play favorites (*cough*LUNDQVIST*cough*) since not all of our readers root for the same team (*cough*RANGERS*cough*) and even we don’t always root for the same team (*cough*really SHARKS? Not one damn nomination??*cough*). Plus, I didn’t want to jinx anyone.  But let me just say, Hank better go home with some hardware, or I may unleash the f-in’ fury.  Just sayin’.

 

Hi everyone!

Hockey withdrawal yet?  Well, at least one more Kings/Devils (ugh!) game tonight, so that should help.

I’m gearing up for the True Blood Season 5 premier tomorrow night.

Any of you peeps Trubies too?  I don’t have high hopes for this season, but at this point, anything to get me through the summer until hockey season starts.  And so tomorrow, I’ll go to a friend’s house for a premier party (read: drinking really horrible-yet-potent vampire-themed drinks) and have a”supernatural” time.  Ha ha.  Sorry.

Which reminded me that during the playoffs, Nikki, our friend Maki, and I began to call Dan Girardi “Vampire Dan” every time his face came on screen. He was very beat up at this point, bruised, tired and pale.  Perfect vampire looks.  I will illustrate.

CAST:

Vamps, Weres, Witches, Fairies, Shifters, Humans.

VAMPIRE DAN:

The sun hurts my eyes!

I can haz ur babiez 4 dinner?

Okay, I MAY have added the fangs there, but REALLY? I’m so right, right?? Credit to Maki for this, she started it…..

So, any other players you all think should join the True Blood cast?  Please feel free to comment to this post, and I may add them in….

For example, I’m thinking Brent Burns as a Were (werewolf):

This one mommy likes ;D

What do you guys think?

 

EDIT:

These have come in via Twitter as suggestions (and dang good ones) from @cjribhill (Merc!):

Bela Lugosi

Vampire Roberto Luongo

 

 

Werepanther from Hot Shot

Hansons from Slapshot

 

A thank you video from the Broadway Blueshirts to the Blue Shirt Faithful:

 

http://nhl.cdn.neulion.net/u/videocenter/embed.swf

I know I said Sexy Saturday was retired for the off-season, but just as this player was exceptional, I had to make an exception. It won’t be a full-on Sexy Saturday, but a tribute — vickyandnikki5hole style. So without further ado……

Tack för de minnen, Nicklas. (Thank you for the memories, Nicklas.)

Poster designed by @JHowardDesign

In case you’ve been under a rock and haven’t heard, the best European-born player in NHL history, and arguably the best defenseman, has decided to retire. Nicklas Lidstrom — who played his entire 20-year career with the Detroit Red Wings — announced Thursday that he is hanging up his skates. He says he no longer has the drive and energy to train in the off-season the way he thinks he should. I’m sure Detroit fans would rather have a Lidstrom who is at 85% than no Lidstrom at all. I personally thought he would hang on for one more year to play in the Winter Classic in Detroit in January. That would have been possibly the one thing he hasn’t done in his career, although he can come back and play in the Alumni Game. But some have speculated that since his second son will join his eldest in Sweden, playing hockey there, and his family would be in Sweden, that he didn’t want to be separated from them. If that is the case, that makes Lidstrom even more of an amazing person than I already thought he was.

But you didn’t come to this hockey blog to read about game or player analysis. There are far better ones out there for that. No, you people come here for the pretty, the stats, the videos. And I am more than happy to comply. So to send off an amazing player to the ether, and whom I’m sure we’ll see in the Hall of Fame and number-retiring ceremonies, I give you a little Sexy Saturday…..

NICKLAS LIDSTRÖM

Stats

Vitals: Born April 28, 1970, Västerås (though Avesta is also listed), Sweden. 6’1″, 190 lbs. Wife Annika, sons Kevin, Adam, Samuel, and Lucas.

Nickname(s): The Perfect Human, St. Nick.

Current team: Detroit Red Wings. Defense. Shoots left. Captain.

Fancy awards: You ready? There’s a ton (straight outta Wiki).

  • World Championship gold medal winner (Sweden, 1991).
  • NHL All-Rookie Team (1992).
  • 4-time Stanley Cup winner (1997, 1998, 2002, and 2008).
  • 12-time NHL All-Star (1996, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2007, 2008, 2009*, 2011).
  • 10-time NHL First All-Star Team member (1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2011).
  • 2-time NHL Second All-Star Team member (2009 and 2010).
  • 7-time Norris Trophy winner (2001, 2002, 2003, 2006, 2007, 2008 and 2011).
  • Conn Smythe Trophy winner (2002).
  • Olympic gold medal winner (Sweden, 2006); Lidström became a member of the Triple Gold Club with this win.
  • Olympic All-Star Team (2006).
  • 2-time Viking Award winner (2000 and 2006).

*did not attend

Records

All records are as of the end of the 2011–12 regular season unless otherwise noted.

NHL

  • First European-born and trained Norris Trophy winner (2000–01).
  • First European-born and trained Conn Smythe Trophy winner (2001–02).
  • Fourth defenseman (and first European-born and trained defenseman) in NHL to win James Norris Memorial Trophy three years running (2001–2003, 2006–2008), and third seven-time Norris Trophy winner.
  • First European-born and trained captain of a Stanley Cup-winning team (2008).
  • First European-born and trained defenceman to reach 1,000 points.
  • Sixth defenceman (and 28th player overall) to reach 855 career assists.
  • Most regular season games played by a player born in Europe, any position (1564).
  • Most regular season games played by a player in a career spent with only one team (1564).
  • Most regular season wins played in (900).
  • Active leader in games played any position (1564).
  • Oldest player ever to record his first hat trick (40 years old)
  • Oldest defenceman ever to record a hat trick (40 years old)
  • Oldest Norris Trophy winner (41 years, 57 days) (2010–2011)

Detroit Red Wings

  • Points by a defenceman, season (2005–06, 80).
  • Postseason goals by a defenceman, career (54).
  • Postseason points by a defenceman, career (183).
  • Postseason assists, career (129).
  • Postseason games played, career (258).
  • Games played by a defenceman, career (1564).
  • Goals, assists, and points by a defenceman, career (264, 878, and 1142).
  • Goals in a single postseason by a defenceman (1998, 6).
  • Best postseason plus/minus, career (+61).
  • Best regular season plus/minus, career (+450).

Cool trivia: He returns to his hometown in the offseason and owns his own sports bar in Vasteras called, ‘Bars and Stars’.

PHOTOS:

I will buy whatever this magazine is selling.

Calvins!

*guh*

Perfekt family is perfekt.

There IS something in the water there….

Baby Nicks!

VIDEOS:

Everything you need to know about Nick, on NHL36:

Part 1

Part 2

;

Here is FS Sports “Mr. Perfect.” (very funny)

;

;

That’s only a small sample of Mr. Perfect, but his huge presence in the game will be missed for decades to come. Good bye, Nick, and Good luck. Thanks from a grateful Hockey Nation.